my kind of friends I'm just thinking about my friends. I'm wondering if I'm becoming a recluse. I often can't be bothered with the playing the game of social intercourse. I survived for a long time on being sparkling and witty, a bit camp and fabulous but in an intellectual, knowing way (obviously). I made loads of friends and had loads of "fun". But I started to question the "fun" part...Problems always come when you question stuff, eh? The "fun" actually seemed to be an endless round of shallow bitchy conversations, trying to impress/amuse people or gain some other kind of ego-gratification, binge drinking and dancing to shit music in shit clubs. Okay, some of all that actually was fun, but I got out of the loop a bit and realised the effort required to get back in wasn't really worth the reward. I was also coming out of a relationship with a guy who had alienated me from a lot of my better friends, so that made things doubly difficult. Now, though, I've got myself a new philosophy, not a massively workable one, but how I seem to have come to see things: I want friends who deliver the goods, with real substance and staying power. Friends who are kind, funny and intelligent. And dependable. And even attractive. That's right: I want to find Mr/Mrs Right in friend form. And I want several of them. I want the impossible.
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Trouble is - the real trouble, not this notional stuff in the previous paragraph - I left my university city and left my good friends from uni (though some went away themselves). Those were friendships built over years of shared interests and experiences. And they are very dear to me, but now they aren't here, available to me. It's been sad, but being sad isn't going to build me any new friendships is it? So what do I do: I now actively want to create friends, but by not being at Uni I don't have the resources. Do I network for friends? Go on friend dates? Follow friend leads through other friends? It seems weird and almost mercenary, and I've never heard of anyone doing it before. But its the kind of methodical way I found my boyfriend so it might just work for friends too.  ¶ 20:24